Losing your memory Chapter 01

It became harder for Castiel to look over Dean, or any of his other charges, over the years. The battle between Heaven and Hell was getting worse, and all guardian angels were commanded to fight in the war. Although Castiel left the earthly veil behind with a heavy heart, he did what he was commanded. He was a soldier first and would fight alongside his brothers and sisters.

From time to time, he would check on his charges, but since he'd had so many, he couldn't check on them all. He had felt Dean Winchester was in trouble a few times, but could only regret that he wasn't able to go to him. Not when Azazel crunched his insides together, not when his father died, and not when Sam had died.

Castiel truly regretted not being there for Dean when his brother died, but he had no choice. He couldn't leave the battle; he couldn't leave his own brothers to die. He knew his brother's death would be hard on Dean, but he never thought he would go as far as selling his soul, a soul that wasn't even his own anymore. Of course, he didn't know that.

When the hunter had been four years old, a demon had tried to take his soul from him, but Castiel had barged in, asking Dean for the soul. The child had agreed and had given the angel his soul. Castiel had let the child keep the soul, but it still belonged to the angel. He had just never gotten around to giving it back.

When Dean died and went to Hell, Castiel was glad he'd never given the soul back, for if he had, the journey to and from hell would've been even more difficult. He would have needed to destroy the contract before he could get Dean out. Luckily Dean had traded a soul which was not his to trade. It was one of the reasons Castiel had been the one to save Dean from Hell. He had the right to take back what was originally his.

He spend eleven days trying to get to the hunter and another 19 to get him out. Most of his brothers and sisters of his garrison had been lost in the battle; he still grieved them but he knew Dean was imported. Before restoring the hunter back into his body he send him up to Heaven to let his soul heal; making him temporary forget the horrors he had to face in hell.

He had gone to earth to carefully mend the hunter's body. The body had started to rot but he was still able to make out Dean's distinguish features. Using his own grace to repair the body was weakening him even more but he knew it was needed. Once he was positive every whole, scare and tissue was repaired, he went back to Heaven to retrieve Dean's soul and carefully placed it back into his body. When he was certain Dean was back he went to Heaven to heal.

When he returned to earth he found Dean in a gas station. He stayed outside and called out to Dean. He waited a few seconds before calling again and telling him to get outside, that he would be waiting. He cringed when the windows broke, sending shards of glass flying inside. That would be one of the reason's he never used his true voice on earth.

When Dean didn't answer, he started to worry. The hunter was there wasn't he? Hadn't he heard him? He stayed quiet and hid behind the veil, so the hunter wouldn't see him, and waited. There! There was Dean. He looked alright, so maybe he hadn't heard him?

He watched Dean rush out towards the car. Maybe the hunter couldn't hear him because he was still not fully healed? He would try again in a few days. In the meantime, he'd go back to Heaven to heal.

He kept watch over Dean as he healed, now that Dean was his first priority. He watched as Dean met with Robert Singer. He watched as he met his brother and the demon, though Dean didn't know it was a demon. Funny, he still couldn't tell when a demon was in the room…

It was six days later when Castiel finally found Dean alone. He called out to Dean once more, a little louder this time, wanting to make sure the hunter could hear him. Glass shattered, the mirror broke, Dean screamed, and Bobby rushed in. It was until he heard Dean's scream that he realized Dean could no longer hear or see him. He would only hurt him, maybe even kill him if he kept trying to contact him in his true form. He was going to need a vessel. He left, and went to find a willing vessel.

Unlike demons, angels needed the host's permission to enter the body. Usually he'd be able to find one at a church but he felt as if he didn't have the time, and searched for a vessel closer. He was in luck, and found a willing vessel. After talking to the man in Heaven, Castiel let him cross, promising to take care of the body, and once he was done, he would return it to the man.

The angel felt the pull of the spell call to him. Robert Singer was the spell caster, he was the one calling him. Arriving at the barn they were in, he walked in. Both are waiting to attack him, the younger hunter even shoots him, to no avail. He keeps walking, and stops right in front of Dean.

"Who are you?" the hunter asked him, raising the magic knife that would kill any demon. Luckily for him, he wasn't a demon.

Pain shot through his body at these words though. Why do you keep losing your memoryof me?He thought. Was it because the hunter had only ever seen him in his true form? But he should remember his name, shouldn't he? He had told the hunter his name, hadn't he?

"I'm the one that gripped you tight and raised you from perdition."

"Yeah, thanks for that." Castiel couldn't help but feel disappointed when Dean plunged the demon killing knife into his chest. He looked down and pulled it out, before dropping it to the floor. He felt Robert attacking him, and without looking, he grabbed the weapon, swung him around, and touched Robert ‘s forehead with two fingers, putting him in a deep sleep.

"We need to talk Dean, alone," he told the hunter, who was standing there, glaring at him. The hunter brushed past him, determined to check on his friend.

Castiel looked around the barn. They had used every kind of protection spell that was out there. Had Castiel been anything but an angel, he wouldn't have made it out of there alive.

Castiel could feel the glare Dean shot him as he browsed through some text books. "Your friend's alive," he told Dean, still looking through the books.

"Who are you?" Dean asked again.

"Castiel," he only replied, still not looking at Dean. He was trying to figure out why the hunter couldn't remember him.

"Yeah, I figured that much. I mean, what are you?"

Castiel turned his head, so he was looking directly at Dean. "I'm an Angel of the Lord."

"Get outta here, there's no such thing," Dean sounded uncertain, even to his own ears.

"That's your problem Dean. You have no faith," Castiel remembered the incident with Father Gregory all too well. That Dean hadn't believed in Angels while Sam had. Dean only believed in what he could see with his own two eyes, so maybe showing his wings would make Dean a believer. He stood back and let Dean see a shadow of his true form, his wings black.

Dean started accusing him, telling him he burned out that woman's eyes. It was true he'd never meant to hurt the woman. But she had insisted on seeing his true form, and sometimes his true form could be overwhelming to the human eyes. He told Dean the same thing.

Dean had asked him if it had been him at the gas station, and at the motel. He'd nodded.

"Buddy, next time, lower the volume," Dean had told him, and he'd tried not to smirk.

Castiel had apologized, admitting he'd been wrong. He hadn't thought Dean would be one of them, because he knew Dean was one of the few who could see his true visage, but things had changed somehow, apparently now Dean couldn't see Castiel's true face. He just didn't understand how that happened.

The accusing tone was back in Dean's voice when he asked just who Castiel had appeared as. "What, holy tax accountant?"

Castiel looked down at his… vessel. "This? This is… a vessel," he told Dean.

Once more Dean was accusing him. Asking how he could possess someone. Castiel told him that the man had prayed for just this thing, but Dean still didn't believe him.

"Well, I'm not buying what you're selling. So, who are you really?"

Castiel frowned. Why couldn't Dean believe him? "I told you."

"Right. And why would an angel rescue me from Hell?"

He was slightly amused when the hunter said ‘angel' and told him that good things can happen. He was slightly taken back when Dean replied with "Not in my experience."

"What's the matter?" he asked, taking a step towards the hunter, trying to feel the emotions running through him. "You don't think you deserve to be saved?" he asked, not believing it.

"Why'd you do it?" Dean finally asked him.

"Because God commanded it. Because we have work for you. " Castiel winced at his own words. He hadn't meant to sound as though he was using him. Judging by his reaction, he knew Dean was thinking the same. He quickly tried to salvage the damage he'd done.

"You were chosen by the Lord to help against the upcoming battle," he wanted to continue, but was interrupted by the hunter.

"What battle?"

"All will be revealed in due time," the angel replied patiently. He was certain Dean would protest, but when the hunter remained silent, he continued. "We need your help. You're the only one who can help us."

"Why me?"

"I'm afraid I'm not privy to that information. I was told to raise you from perdition, which I did, and I've come here to ease your worries. You don't have to fear me, Dean."

When Dean still remained silent he sighed. "I have to go now, my brother's are calling me," he turned to leave. "I'll come to you as soon as I can."

Before Dean could say anything, he was gone, leaving the hunter alone with his thoughts.

The End

9 March 2009